Sometimes……rather make that most of the time, the world doesn’t make much sense to me. Why does it seem that the men and women who do the most good to change our world and make it a better place, a kinder more gentler place; or those who move us forward on a journey of discovery are the ones to leave this world too soon.
As I grow older I find more and more how little I really know and how little I understand God or the cosmos or whomever you believe, if you believe, is running the show. With the passing of Steve Jobs I find myself once again thinking of all the very talented and incredibly genius people who died to soon and the list seems to go on and on and the question in my mind is ‘why?’
My faith tells me I mustn’t question God’s ways but believe that God has a plan much greater than anything I could ever conceive but I have to ask myself, what plan could there be that takes those whom we seem to need the most from this world? Can they really have done all that they could do, might have done? I certainly don’t know and neither does anyone else on this plane that’s a question for a higher power. Still the struggle goes on inside me with my faith telling me one thing and my intellect another. Am I doomed to hell and damnation for questioning God; I think not. I think we are meant to raise questions to think of possibilities why else would we have been given this thing called intellect.
To the world there are great loses to be felt though there be no wounds healed, no broken hearts mended, we suffer the loss of many and ponder our own mortality.
This ancient proverb from the Greek perhaps sums it up: “Whom the gods love dies young.”
ikoniWhat are the moments that define our lives those moments that mark the distances between time; our wedding day, the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, the loses and the cherished happy times; all of these and so many more make us who we are. Is it destiny or chance or is it, as some believe, all written in some imagined book before our own birth.
Or is it that we are so pompous as to imagine we shape and mold ourselves by our own design into who we think we are and that nothing we experience effects that; or is it truly those defining moments that continually change and shape us into either very fine human beings or something very different.
As to the other times in our lives those changes that occur in the world around us, what effect do they have? The wars, the societal changes, the catastrophic events, do they too define who we are? The beginnings and the ends, the tragedies and the triumphs. I think they do, I think every living moment of every day in our lives from birth to death makes us who we are and I believe we are always evolving moving forward then reverting back and moving forward again until at last we think, we hope….we have it right.
I think we should, each of us, be thankful for all those defining moments for without them life would be just an endless series of days with no rhyme or reason to them. It’s those moments, those times which are forever sealed in our memories that temper our lives and make life……..a LIVING.
??????????????? ????????? ?????It’s funny how no one ever tells the younger generation what it’s like to be old or aging and maybe it’s because we never thought to ask. As my birthday approaches if find I have been pondering the wisdom of growing old.
If I had stopped to ask my parents or grandparents or elderly acquaintances would they have imparted to me the knowledge of the ages; of how our bodies begin to change, how every morning it gets harder and harder to get the joints moving, how no amount of exercising or positive thinking will hold back the effects of time. We humans seem to be more concerned with looking younger or having a young appearance and not so much with what is happening on the inside. More about erasing those wrinkles and lines hence the billions of dollars spent each year on cosmetics and cosmetic surgery. Even I have to admit to giving some consideration to a face lift……..a clear case of denial on my part.
If I had asked would anyone have told me how, hard as you may try, you can’t help those times when a deep sadness sweeps over you like the waves of the sea filling you with a loss for things past, for things that never were and for things that might have been. That you will feel a deep loss for people and things that have passed from this life. The changes that creep up on you ever so slowly that we never even notice until one day it occurs to you that people, particularly the younger folks, have begun to look past you never really looking into your face or eyes. That youthful glow is gone, replaced by dark circles and sagging jowls and maybe you’ve put on a few pounds or a lot of pounds and when you look in the mirror you no longer see you.
Does that all sound a bit maudlin; well maybe so but if you are of a “certain” age and if you are honest with yourself you will admit that at one time or another you have felt these very same things. On the plus side however, there are some advantages to getting older and I don’t mean the senior discount at Denny’s, but the fact that you can finally speak your mind and no one gives a hoot. Either they stand at attentions and listen to what you have to say and believe it has some merit or they just chuck you up to being a crazy old thing and ignore you altogether.
There are however, many other items on the plus side of the ledger. The fact that you are alive to see your grandchildren and great-grandchildren grow up. That you are still surrounded with friends, albiet fewer, but still those who lovingly share the same memories as you, the same times of your life and the same day to day feelings that come with growing older.
So as I approach my another birthday on the senior side of the scale, I count my blessings and I am feeling very grateful that I am here to celebrate yet another year.
трапезни масиRecently someone said to me, “you are a real Christian women.” I can’t imagine myself as that especially in view of the events in my life during the past year and a half that have caused me to question my faith. Recently I was watching an episode of Numbers and one of the characters said, “in the past, one door closed and another has always opened but now I feel I’m in the vestibule of uncertainty.” I thought to myself, that’s exactly where I feel I am and have been for so long.
Where is God? A question I have asked myself many times of late and yet I know God is here and everywhere. I see him in a child’s smile, in the autumn hues, in the simple pleasures of life, friendship and love, a meal shared with good friends old and new. But when I see the suffering in the world, sick children, old people being neglected, children being hurt at the hands of those who are supposed to protect them and I wonder, where is God? Did he look away for a moment? Does he not care? If he is an all seeing all loving and forgiving God, then how can he allow these things to happen and what do you do when bad things happen to good people.
I don’t have the answers and as I struggle with my faith. These things and my own troubles have caused med to question God. As a Christian and a Catholic I’m not suppose to question God but just accept that he has a greater plan for me than I have for myself; but even Peter lost his faith for awhile. There are those who say that God doesn’t allow these things, man does. Then how do you explain a baby born with cancer, or floods that take the lives of hundreds, tsunamis, hurricanes, famine, and why must any child suffer from unbearable and often incurable illnesses? Did man create these things? I don’t think so. Questions with no answers.
People have told me that I’m a strong person but I don’t feel strong. What is strength anyway. If it’s just moving forward when all you really want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over you and shut the world out, then I guess I’m strong. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other and move through life, going through the motions like some robot than I guess I’m strong; but what about those who have suffered great loss and sorrow and do shut down, are they any less strong? Somehow I don’t think so.
Maybe my faith was never that strong to begin with therefor I haven’t really lost it. I know that I will keep praying as I have done. I know my prayers have been answered in the past. Maybe not always as I would have had them answered but nonetheless they have been. I still believe in God and always will. I still believe that I will be united with those whom I love that have passed and I must believe that there is a purpose to all things but I’m not meant to know why. If I didn’t believe in these things than I couldn’t go on and life is a gift and I’m meant to make the most.
Seems like we look for God in all the wrong places and the one place we should be looking is in our hearts.
As for A Question Of Faith, well maybe this quote sums it up, with my apologies to God and Baroness Orczy:
“They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive, pimpernel.”
A little over two weeks ago I returned home to Philadelphia from an eight month stint in San Diego. A beautiful place, for those of you who have never been there, but a place I’m not sure I want to live permanently. I guess I’m just a dyed in the wool Easterner. It may not always be sunny in Philadelphia but it’s always sunny in San Diego. I miss the change of seasons especially these beautiful fall days and the marvelous colors that permeate the country side; nature at its’ best.
Did I say that we drove across country? Now many of you may be amazed at that but I want to tell you, before you book that flight out of the country or even in the country and have the pleasure of being hurdled in like cattle to a seat that only a stick model can comfortably fit into. Not to mention, suffer the indignity of a search all in the name of safety (and are we really any safer or is it just a false sense of security that the NSA has prevailed upon us.) I’d like to say, to paraphrase a slogan from the 50’s ……”See America First!”
Yes folks there is so much wonder and beauty in this country and most poor suckers have never ventured more than 50 miles from home. Believe it or not. Every trip I make across country I see something I haven’t seen before and yes I have done this trip so many times I have lost count. The unexpected places you come across and the people you meet along the way, I think it’s what travel is really all about.
This trip we stopped at Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico. What a place, I can’t even begin to describe it. If you have the time and the inclination look it up on the web. I’v been to several caverns here in Pennsylvania and in Virginia but there is nothing like this place in the world, truly amazing. I was fascinated by the many varied and huge (and I mean huge) formations and with the story of Jim White, who at age 16 was probably the first person to explore the caves.
Met some really nice folks in a town called Artesia and yes it is where they first drilled and came up with the Artesian well water. This little gem of a town, in the middle of no where and just 30 miles from the famed Area 59 in Roswell, NM was a wonderful find, We may never have found this town except for the fact that the only hotel room available close to the caverns was in Artesia. All over the town are these wonderful bronze sculptures and in the very center of town a huge drilling rig of bronze over a fountain depicting the discovery of the prized water. Sadly the waters have dried up but the oil hasn’t and this area supplies much of it for the entire state.
The many wonders in this country and our great National Parks are things that I think every American should see. Driving around the country isn’t for everyone but before booking that cruise or trip to the Bahamas and whether you choose to drive, fly or go by train think about exploring this great country first, you won’t regret it. Instead of making a second mortgage on your home to take your family to DisneyWorld or Sea World, think about taking them on a trip to to Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, any of the many fascinating and outstandingly beautiful places right here in America.
I’m recalling Dina Shore singing, “See the USA in your Chevrolet, America’s the greatest place of all.” Amen to that!
I have just returned home after a 3000 mile cross country trip and here is something I just don’t get…..Roadside Memorials. Flowers and crosses on the side of the road. In fact, long before this trip these memorials have cropped up all over the place. Many states, in fact, have abandoned the roadside billboards and advertisements as a distraction to drivers, only to have them replaced by the Roadside Memorial.
I’d like to know when and how this all got started. Personally I think they are very morbid and does anyone, except for the families of these victims, really care? I first started seeing memorials painted on the rear windows of cars. I’m sure you must have seen them too. In Loving Memory Of…….Rest In Peace ….. etc. I was always under the impression that these were the morose writings of some gang member after the loss of one of their own. Yes, let’s shoot each other on the street and then paint your car for the world to see how sorrowful we are. At least that was my impression of it. I may, of course, be wrong.
Then the roadside memorials; and this is going back sometime now. On this trip across country I saw something I had never seen before. Flowers and, not the usual cross, but the Star of David. It is very unusual for a Jewish family to do this, it’s simply not the custom. I was really taken aback by it.
And let’s not forget those folks who decided it would be a good idea to dedicate one’s car or truck in loving memory of someone. Now, what the hell is that all about. I often wonder what the deceased person would think if he or she could see that they were so important to that person that he dedicated his truck to him. All I can say is that there must be a lot of rumbling going on upstairs.
It seems this practice has caught on like wildfire and just why boggles the mind. What possible purpose does it serve. If one really wanted to honor the memory of a loved one who was killed in a traffic accident why not do something worthwhile. Make a contribution to a favorite charity in that persons name or set up a scholarship fund to help a young person with education.
There are so many more ways to pay homage to a lost sole, why not save the flowers and the makeshift crosses for some other venue. It would seem to me that all the time and effort that must go into maintaining these roadside memorials would be better spent doing something that would really pay tribute to the deceased. Working against drunk driving or sponsoring a safety course for young teen drivers comes to mind, just to name a few.
I know that I will probably offend a lot of people by my comments especially those who have placed these memorials but quit honestly your loved one isn’t on the side of the road, your loved one remains alive in your heart; why not honor their memory in a more positive and deserving way.
The events of the past two weeks remind us just how precious life is. On this forth of July celebration we have much to be grateful for; not just the tangible things but the intangible one too. Those things that are felt in the heart: love, family, friends, and the fact that we live in this wonderful country. Even though at times she may fall a little short of our expectations we are so lucky to be here. Maybe our expectations are to high or unrealistic. Maybe we have grown to demand to much from the land our forefathers fought so hard to win. Perhaps we need to work a little harder, ask for a little less, see the glass as half full instead of half empty.
I think it is greed on every level that has gotten us into this mess and once we open our eyes to that fact maybe, just maybe we can begin to turn things around. My parents generation has been called “The Greatest Generation” and I understand on a personal level just why. I saw them pick themselves up from the boot straps and carry on through the great depression and the second world war. They had one suit or best dress for those special occasions. Likewise dining out was a luxury to be savored and enjoyed for what it was. They never thru anything out unless it was beyond repair. My parents and those of most of my friends could retire and lived comfortably without benefit of 401K’s because the house was paid for, the insurance was up to date and the money they had managed to save was enough to live on. They managed with what they had and what they had went a lot further than today. We seem to be a generation of “I want” and “Throw it away” and we wonder how we got into this mess.
Well enough said on that subject after all it is the 4th of July and I for one am very proud of my country. Grateful to God that I was born here. Grateful to the men and women who fight and have fought to preserve the blessed land. Grateful to our forefathers who believed in their hearts that there was a better way and acted on that belief. GOD BLESS AMRICA!!
Sometimes people are put through tests. Those tests make us stronger and prepare us for the battles we have to fight. There are all kinds of battles.
Everyone has a unique role in God’s plan. One that no one else can play. I am sure you will do what you are meant to do.
Have Faith. No matter what lies ahead. Hold onto your Faith.
Here I am at the Hotel Del again, as you know, one of my favorite spots here in San Diego. When I arrived in San Diego it was December and the lawn had been transformed into an ice skating rink and there was a huge Christmas tree in the lobby. Now the lawn is being prepared for an evening wedding with flowers and pretty white wooden chairs. In the center the decorators have set up a marque complete with a chandelier.
I’m sitting on a bench facing the ocean; it’s a beautiful sunny day after the many dark and cloudy days of the past two weeks, June gloom as the locals refer to it. Up on the deck a calypso group is playing and the music is being carried on the wind. As usual here at the Del there are lots of tourists mulling about. Off in the distance sail boats punctuate the blue ocean.
Have you ever thought that sometimes the real criminals are not all incarcerated? Well this blog is for any of you who have ever entertained that thought and for those of us have more than a passing acquaintance with the prison system in this country. More than that, anyone who has had the misfortune to have encountered MCI and its monopoly on the telephones in the California prison system and in other prisons across the country.
How this company has slipped through the cracks and managed to stay a step ahead of the law boggles the mind. Perhaps its because not enough people are filing complaints with the FCC and their state senators and representatives or maybe it’s as simple as too many palms are being greased to look the other way. In any case for those of you who haven’t a clue as to what I’m referring to allow me to enlighten you.
Sadly many of us have a family member incarcerated in a California correctional facility or a facility in some other state. My particular experience is in California. We have all heard on the news about the over-crowded situation in the prisons but for those of us who have a loved one inside the situation is made worse by the fact that often these men and women are sent to a facility far from their home area making it almost impossible for them to receive family visits. Aside from letter writing the only other form of communication with family and friends is by telephone. To this end MCI has placed an even bigger burden on these families than is already in place.
Irregardless of what crime these people may have committed, being able to speak with family and friends is an important and often critical means of connecting with family. Many of the inmates are very young people and many are from extremely low-income families and some are possibly illiterate and can’t write, so being able to phone home may be the only means of communicating.
Most of the long distance carriers have converted over to flat rate long distance or VOIP (voice over internet protocol) even for those folks who don’t have this capability most all carriers have one flat rate or extremely low rates for long distance calls. Of course there is always the option of the ever ready and available calling cards at very low rates. So why then is MCI, who has captured and I don’t say that loosely, most of the telephone operations in these prisons charging outrageous fees for these calls?
Inmates are permitted to make collect calls from designated pay phones in within these facilities. As a rule collect calls are more costly than a direct call but with MCI monopolizing these phones they have set unreasonable fees. Basically it’s about $3.95 connection fee and $.89 cents a minute thereafter. However it gets better, here is how it works. You are first asked to establish an account with MCI by depositing a set amount of money, let’s say $100.00. This deposit is then deducted from your first bill; it’s a sort of good faith fee, that much I get. This account then allows you to receive a set number of calls in any month (let’s say six) and the length of calls in limited to about ten minutes. Once the set number of calls have been placed your phone number is then blocked from receiving any further calls until the first day of the next month. Also, if your bill remains unpaid the phone number remains blocked. For those who already have MCI as the long distance carrier it works about the same with the exception of having to make the initial deposit. In this case MCI determines how many calls you can receive based on your payment history with them. The same rules apply and the phone number can be blocked at any time they see fit.
If this isn’t bad enough, MCI eats up your minutes by playing a recorded message every few minutes during your conversation with an inmate. This message tells you that you have received a telephone call from an inmate at a correctional facility, as if you didn’t already know this. The purpose of this recording is anybody’s guess for certain the MCI representative couldn’t explain it and in fact didn’t seem to know much about it at all.
So there you have it. Life is hard enough these days and certainly for the many families who are suffering a member who has been sent to prison it gets even harder. It is, in my opinion, immoral and unconscionable that a large company like MCI or any company should be permitted, under the auspicious of the law, to place and even bigger burden on these families by monopolizing the prison phones and charging unnecessary and outrageous fees for their use. As one person put it. “Prison is an industry” and certainly it is.
From the standpoint of the prison system I guess they consider it a privilege for inmates to be able to make telephone calls at all and that maybe so, but from the standpoint of many of these families it may be the only lifeline available to them.
Imagine how hard it must be for anyone of moderate means who simply can’t afford these fees to not be able to speak with a loved one or even for a friend reaching out to another friend for support.
Now I know that some of you out there must be thinking that if they did the crime then tough they deserve it. However not all of the men and women incarcerated are hardened criminals and in fact many, even most, are young people who have made bad choices whether through drug abuse or due to getting involved with the wrong people and have ended up in prison. A system that, for the most part, is warehousing these people with very little rehabilitation in place; but that’s another story. Whatever the why and wherefore the issue remains that having been given the opportunity to be able to make telephone calls why should the cost of these calls be so excessive?
What can be done about it? I’m not certain if things can ever change because it is such big business, but I do know that there has to be a better way. We can start by encouraging every person who has someone incarcerated in a prison and has experienced this situation whether it be through MCI, Correctional Billing or any other company to file a complaint with the FCC (Federal Communications) and with your senators and congressmen; even begin by contacting your local representatives. Do whatever you can. Get a petition going and forward it along with your complaints. Maybe if enough people speak out a change will be made. Remember the old adage, “the squeaky wheel gets the oil” well let’s put it to the test.
So there you have it, the answer to your question is not all criminals are in prison, most of them are operating about a minute behind the law and getting away with it at the publics expense.
To everyone reading this blog, thank you; and to all the many families out there who are experiencing this problem my heart goes out to you and yours. Why and how a loved one ends up in prison, well the reasons are as wide and as deep as the ocean but once inside why should the situation be even more of a burden on those waiting to hear or just waiting. Remember even E.T. wanted to “phone home.”